He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
