Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
