So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i think i have two assholes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.