i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.