I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my being single is dangerous.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka