We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
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Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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