the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
