i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
