p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i think i have herpe
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.