He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
