sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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