i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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