Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
