My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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