Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
