I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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