In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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