im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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