She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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