the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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