She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
