Did you just see the Batmobile???
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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