I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
