I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
