Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
