I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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