I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize