She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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