Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
