Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
