Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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