I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
