College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
