I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
