Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
