I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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