honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
