Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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