Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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