This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
