Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
