see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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