we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
