i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
