My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
