when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
