she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize