You can't special order awesome
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
