I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
