i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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