Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So squirting runs in the family.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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