everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
