so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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