yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
