May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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