Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
