Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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