i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
