hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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