You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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