put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
