No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize