i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
