thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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