she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
