I can tuck mytits in my pants
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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