I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
