He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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