Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
