words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
