oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
