Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
