Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
